Three weeks into October, two months into medical school

Now the third medical school class is out of the way with the cumulative final in Biochemistry on Monday. I'm definitely happy it's over, but I look back on the past two months and don't know where they've gone. I'd like to be able to retrospectively reflect on some notable achievements that I've made or some kind (any kind of) outstanding accomplishments, but all I see is the starting circuit of a marathon race that I can't see the end of yet. There are no major contributions that I've made to society. There are no trumpets that sound when I wake up the morning, to summon me to any epic-like situation. There aren't ever sensations of feeling heroic. No, this is life. And it's so simple really, the lesson God's teaching me in all of this.

"You are not anything without Me."

It's a humbling, yet reassuring message. On the one hand, it takes away pride (which if I might have were I at the top of the class, which I'm definitely not). I know without a doubt that of my own volition, I would not currently be a candidate for an MD degree. I would not be in medical school, except... by the grace of God. So the responsibility for this part of my life - or really any parts of my life - I can't claim, and that makes me feel very small. Yet in the same way, knowing that God has used my life in this way is wonderful. THE Creator of the universe is managing my life. THE Alpha and Omega is orchestrating my entire day. HE that is so busy with trillions, no an infinity, of other matters in the world, has taken the time to care for me. What a humbling position this peon (me) finds herself in. I have no merit or quality that would justify or make me deserve what I've been given, yet my dear Father in heaven is ever so gracious to me.

And so the daily humdrum and gestalt of life seems more special, even in it's simplicity; knowing that there's a symphony being directed to make even the 'boring' parts of life happen at all.