{breakdance joy}

Flash Mob Favorites

2011-12-21T17:39:00.000-08:00

In teaching my mother what a flash mob is, I reviewed a variety of videos capturing the worldwide phenomenon of the flash mob. For any of you who don't know what it is: "a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and sometimes seemingly pointless act for a brief time, then disperse, often for the purposes of entertainment, satire, and/or artistic expression Flash mobs are organized via telecommunications, social media, or viral emails."

1. Sound of Music: Antwerp Station, Belgium (yes, this is my mom's favorite too)

2. Liverpool Station (most favorite and an ad for T-Mobile)

3. Union Station freeze

4. Swedish Bounce

5. Bondi Beach Dance (Haha!)

6. Bristol Lightsaber Show (this could easily have been ranked higher but for video quality)

7. Polish Finger-Gun War

8. Mumbai flash mob

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2011!!

2011-12-04T10:45:00.000-08:00

Now that I've figured out screen capture... I can do amazing things like post the snail mail card that will be shortly sent out to those of you out there who have given me updated addresses! :) What a blessing to reflect on a good year. God is inspeakably still so good. And how refreshing to remember His goodness with you all. Joyful blessing indeed!

Gospel Tunes

2011-12-03T09:45:00.000-08:00

--> because every once in a while you'd like a praise morning with some uplifting tunes... some of the Gospel hits I've enjoyed over the past year or so:

Decampler

2011-12-03T09:39:00.000-08:00

For my MSU college music mixers - here's the playlist to be sent out from me this month... (to my blog readers, yes this includes a few of the same from my September mix but that's because I haven't had time/budget to completely update the latest and greatest.)

Brought to you care of the iPad's great note taking apps and my personally imperfect handwriting on them :P:

Trampled By Turtles @ Blind Pig 11.8.11

2011-11-07T19:48:00.000-08:00

It's a wonderful music world our good God has given us. A few weeks past I was reveling in trumpets and tomorrow night it's fiddle and banjo time. I love it all.

MSU quarterback Kirk Cousins

2011-11-01T19:16:00.000-07:00

MSU has a great quarterback who is a strong believer and outspoken in his faith.

Here in his own words why football is not his identity (above).
More (below).
I agree with Kirk

Go GREEN! Go White!

2011-10-24T17:39:00.000-07:00

10 years ago, Katie Loveland and I stood in the Spartan stadium cheering MSU to its first football victory over U of M in years. We scored in an amazingly heroic catch with 0.0 seconds on the clock - which caused the stadium to erupt in the loudest applause I have ever heard (or been participant.)

This year we beat Wisconsin in a like manner "Hail of a Catch" (thank you student newspaper for your crafty word plays.) This same weekend we had a STARR reunion for various alumni of the full-ride undergraduate scholarship that brought all of us Wyomingites out to MSU. Since one of the current seniors was in the homecoming court, the anonymous donors flew in for the occasion. Since they still wish to keep their anonymity, after having given billions to the university to pay annually for 24 out-of-staters, they will not be posted in my photos - but here are some shots of the evening part of the events.


note the centerpiece Jock in the Box	that's now in my living room :P)

Spartan marching band

Coach Dantonio before the big win

Our proud STARR in the Homecoming court

Watching the game with Erika and her mom

LOVE being a Spartan

Senior Moments #2

2011-10-19T19:05:00.000-07:00

Me: "Can you tell me where you are?"
Pt with dementia: "Well, I'm right here!"
Me: "Where is here?"
Pt: "Here."
Me: Oookay. ...questions later... "Can you tell me who the President is?"
Pt: "Oh, I don't know that. But YOU should be the President. I like you."

Oh how sweet my forgetful friends are. :)

Senior moments #1

2011-10-17T19:28:00.000-07:00

This is the last week on geriatrics and I don't know how I've failed to capture some of my most endearing moments with the Lansing seniors I've encountered... these were my favorite of today.

1. OLDEST PATIENT SO FAR - at 104 years old. Consider this, she is a super super super centarian and she was alive in 1907. That's just amazing in and of itself. My goal at the end of important health things was to dispel rumors I had heard at the nursing home hence the following conversation:

ME: "So when you turned 100 did you really get a letter from the President? Rumor has it that's the big 100th birthday present."
PATIENT: "Oh yes! I got a letter from George and Laura Bush... but I'm sure it was really Laura's idea, he was probably too busy."

Hilarious.

2. MOST INTERESTING (so far!): Meeting a patient who served under General Patton* in the 2nd Armored division of the North African invasion. He did 9 tours in Europe and travelled all over from North Africa to Sicily, Italy, France, and Germany. Get this, he was present in the very hospital at the same time as the controversial slap of Patton took place. He KNEW Patton and he KNEW this "yellow-bellied" 'kid' who per pt probably was not actually slapped and had even asked pt how pt wasn't scared to go to war. That's like 2 degrees to a legend - how wild is that?!

*thank you George C Scott for helping me remember most of what I know about Patton :)

Mocambique Countdown

2011-10-09T20:15:00.000-07:00

<p>&amp;lt;a href="http://www.7is7.com/otto/countdown.html?year=2011&amp;amp;amp;month=12&amp;amp;amp;date=29&amp;amp;amp;hrs=0&amp;amp;amp;ts=24&amp;amp;amp;tz=local&amp;amp;amp;min=0&amp;amp;amp;sec=0&amp;amp;amp;lang=en&amp;amp;amp;show=dhms&amp;amp;amp;mode=t&amp;amp;amp;cdir=down&amp;amp;amp;bgcolor=%23CCFFFF&amp;amp;amp;fgcolor=%23000000&amp;amp;amp;title=Countdown%20To"&amp;gt;Countdown To&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;</p>

80 days to go! Started reading the book "The Harrowing of Mozambique" about the civil war that killed hundreds of thousands that started in 1975. I will be in Beira on the coast working at a Catholic Hospital/University.

Basic stats on the country:

Total population	22,894,000
Gross national income per capita (PPP international $)	770
Life expectancy at birth m/f (years)	47/51
Probability of dying under five (per 1 000 live births)	142
Probability of dying between 15 and 60 years m/f (per 1 000 population)	557/434
Total expenditure on health per capita (Intl $, 2009)	50
Total expenditure on health as % of GDP (2009)	5.7
Source: Global Health Observatory

Mozambique Trivia #1
Mozambique is the only country in the world to have an AK-47 on their flag

WYOMING! Hey Wyoming!

2011-10-04T17:07:00.000-07:00

Freshman year of college at the dormitory there was a hall manager called Dutch. He was a very nice 60-ish gentleman who would always talk with me as we'd occasionally see each other in the halls. His office was on the west side of Holmes, so I would generally holler a hello whenever I would walk by on my way to class. Since undoubtedly he interacted with lots of students with similar names, he nicknamed me Wyoming and so anyone working around him would naturally never learn my given name, but likewise knew me as Wyoming.

Last week out in Lansing, I walked by a woman who waved and smiled and looked vaguely familiar. I couldn't place her. Today at the nursing home, low and beholds the same woman walks by with a visitor nametag and hollers "Wyoming! Hey, Wyoming! I knew it was you!" Secretary Jeanette was often in Dutch's office a decade ago when I would stop in to say hello. When it finally registered in my head, I greeted her with a hug. She laughed and said, "So I never ever actually learned - what IS your name?"

Wyoming will do just fine. :)

Behold, life and death...

2011-09-28T16:34:00.000-07:00

Quoted this morning in family medicine didactics was one of Yogi Berra's "You can observe alot, just by watching." Comical, yes.

Less comical and somewhat sobering is working in a nursing home. This is day 3 in geriatrics for me, and I have so far gone to a nursing home, out-patient geriatric clinic, adult foster care home, and an adult day care center. I have always loved my profession because of its values, mission, intellectual work, etc (you name it, I mostly love it!) People outside of the world of medicine have no idea what a wonderful and awe-inspiring thing it is to stand in the room of a woman delivering a baby and getting to hold that baby as it cries for the first time. In its very essence being a doctor is seeing humanity progress. It is also powerful to be present when the last breath of a person is expired. My current window into the soul is working with lovely people, who look very different than their former selves, who sometimes forget much of their former life, and who must rely on many people to do very basic activities in life.

I learned this spring, in being present at the death of a young child (after three rounds of CPR and numerous doses of epinephrine) that America's cultural take on death is very skewed. I should rephrase that, MY take on death was very skewed. In medicine, we're trained to be aggressive at sustaining life. You wouldn't want a doctor to be trained any other way. However, in holding on to a quantity of life - how far diminished is the quality?! I was upset at the death of this child, not because anything about his death (during my presence in the ER and PICU) was mismanaged - but because I felt the pure horror and sadness of a young life being ended so early. I don't know where I heard it, maybe during this summer, but someone said to me, "You know, death is natural." It's as obvious as Yogi Berra's statement, but it struck me as counterintuitive to my prior culturally held view of death. [And this is nothing to say of my spiritual take on life and death - that God is sovereign over everything.] However, I realized that for all my training to save life and keep people out of pain, that I had not once let life go. When my grandfather passed away last fall, I actually became a little resentful that we missed having Thanksgiving together as we usually had for the past few years. I hadn't gotten to say goodbye to him, and perhaps that played into it. Regardless, I hope I have matured enough to be able to say that I now recognize that death is natural. It's helped me mentally cope with this rotation as the sheer numbers of wheelchair bound and pain-laden patients surround me. [God IS sovereign and He is STILL at work. I don't have His calendar on hand to check the dates, but He is always on time.]

Finally, some of you know I've been reading "Questioning Evangelism" by Randy Newman for a few months now (I had to give up leisurely reading for a couple months there, okay?!?!) Anyway, the last chapter I read was on the problem of pain. Randy's answer is "I don't know." I think that's pretty empty. Actually it's really empty. It's one thing I would disagree with from the book. We KNOW who God is and what His nature is... we know sin has wrecked our bodies. We know we each of us deserve interminable ("intractable" as we medically describe it) pain - why any of us is given a moment's respite is because of God's illogically wonderfully perfectly planned grace.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning... For He does not willingingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men." Lam 3: 22, 33

*Note to past-self* Do not read Lamentations on this rotation, it is hard to understand some of its painful descriptions anyway... pick something more cheerful. -Thanks, future self

2011-09-07T07:19:00.000-07:00

There is something about a guitar ballad that gets me every time. Here's the latest music mix as we jump to early September studies:

1. Swell Window – Zee Avi

2. When they fight, they fight – Generationals

3. You’re too Weird – Fruit Bats

4. Rambling Man – Laura Marling

5. Western bound – nikki lane

6. Walkabout – Atlas sound

7. Slumber – needtobreathe

8. My body – young the giant

9. Under cover of darkness – the strokes

10. Lifeis life – noah and the whale

11. Ten-twenty-ten -generationals

Zee Avi's new album gets a shout out. I appreciate her shadowy jazzy melodies with bits of flare for modern synthetic instrumentals and Pacific islander beats. Music I can play when I'm feeling more tropical than the weather. :)

Womanhood? And other random thoughtses

2010-07-16T20:02:00.000-07:00

As a girl I thought it'd be fun to grow into a woman who gardened in pearls (it is rather fun, now that I've tried it), now however I find real womanhood in mowing the lawn and other less delicate tasks like weed-pulling.

Each time I make a judgment about someone, something, some place... and it is wrong, I remember how much I have to learn. So I've discovered that I actually like the city of Washington, DC when I thought it "too big city for me." Laugh, I know, but I think this city is more like a really really big town. (This is how I excuse my surprising enjoyment of this place to my Wyoming heart.)

Habituation is a concept I'm learning under a Christian psychiatrist working in the same ward as me. Watching alcoholics who have never 'learned' to stop drinking, I see in myself behaviors where I've allowed 'learning' to creep in - in areas I shouldn't. Romans 12:1-3 is real to alcoholics, who must DAILY conform their minds and readjust their attitudes to fight their addiction. It's such a cool and sobering (there's a double meaning in that) thing to realize how I myself must also persistently train myself against my sins that seep in daily. One of which, unfortunately for myself, is the habit of worrying. It's my sin, to doubt my own wonderful Creator enough to believe my thinking about something anxiously will do anything more than just offering it up in prayer to Him.

Let's see, last random thought before sleep, should I skype into my sister's bridal shower? I think so. Has it been done before - I don't know, but I think I should try.

G'night

Mimi and Kevin gettin hitched

2010-07-09T19:48:00.000-07:00

<p>&amp;lt;a href="http://www.7is7.com/otto/countdown.html?year=2010&amp;amp;amp;month=8&amp;amp;amp;date=29&amp;amp;amp;hrs=16&amp;amp;amp;ts=24&amp;amp;amp;min=0&amp;amp;amp;sec=0&amp;amp;amp;tz=local&amp;amp;amp;lang=en&amp;amp;amp;show=dhms&amp;amp;amp;mode=t&amp;amp;amp;cdir=down&amp;amp;amp;bgcolor=%23CCFFFF&amp;amp;amp;fgcolor=%23000000&amp;amp;amp;title=Mimi%20and%20Kevin%20Burch"&amp;gt;Mimi and Kevin Burch&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;</p>

it's spring break

2010-03-11T18:40:00.000-08:00

while vacation isn't what it used to be when i was a kid and not busy acting like a full-time grown-up, i feel like my time gets used more wisely now.

this week involved: visiting my gpa in illinois (he is nearly 89, so i never feel like i have enough time with him), shadowing a cardiologist, lots of reading, fixing lights and fixtures, taking down christmas lights (or should i just call them winter lights?), baby shower shopping, vacuuming and washing the car, moving a desk upstairs, multiple errands and cleanings... unfortunately i still have yet to do taxes. :(

today i finally felt like i got a vacation. a wonderful bubble bath with candles and a good read does wonders. thank you angela k, for the rubber ducky!!

you're my human holiday

2010-02-26T11:28:00.000-08:00

such a great line from this song, and the band i would have seen last night had they not been sold out (and dare i say, had the weather been better for scalping a ticket) --->

JUMP! ...a little study break from UT domain

2010-01-30T17:13:00.000-08:00

I was two when this song came out and I must say the music video captures some fantastic outfits. :) oh my... I have to post this so I can return whenever I want to remember a bit of the 80's.

JUMP!

Also... I'd just like to say this music video seems quite tame with what the 2000's have brought...

"A job like any other, a life like any other"

2010-01-19T18:40:00.000-08:00

Maybe I'm a future doctor, but I found this article interesting -- it mixes two of my favorite subjects: Antarctica and medicine -- what could be more cool than a true story involving both!

And the quote at the end of the article in response to acclaim for performing an autoappendicectomy: "A job like any other, a life like any other."

http://www.epocrates.com/products/docalert/newsletter/201001-2.pdf?ICID=EMN_LP_0110

ponderings on failure

2010-01-08T06:45:00.000-08:00

It's one of those topics we all subconsciously think about, but rarely ever openly discuss. I, more often than not, am mentally criticizing my own actions, speech, performance, etc. My parents raised me to have high expectations and excellent standards - but what do I do when I fail to live up to these measures of success?

As a future doc, no I take that back, as a future (and present :P) human-being I am going to fail. Here lies one of the primary laws of humanity: people screw up. I struggle in coping with this when it comes to personal failure. Some people lower their expectations, in order to try to avoid disappointment. (Do I stop aiming for a 100% because I haven't gotten one on the major domains yet, and am tired of trying to achieve the impossible?) Some people simply stop trying. (Since I am going to make an inevitable mistake as a doctor, perhaps I should become a fisherman to avoid whatever shame, pain, discomfort that would come with medical errors? Do I stop organzing events with people, because I am bound to overlook someone or something and it will never be perfect?) Some people become cynics. (Should I lose all regard for individuals because deep down all their actions and motives are essentially selfish?) Some people stop feeling bad, or feeling anything with their hearts. (Would it be better to live in denial or without human compassion?)

My response to personal failure up to this point, has been to feel guilt. I feel bad every time I realize, or am made aware of, how I've fallen short. Since this is not just a daily occurence, but closer to hourly and minutely, this has given my heart a great deal of guilt -- which makes me realize and feel much more grateful for the grace of God in my life. Yet I have been realizing that focusing on my screw-ups has left me somewhat egocentric. I want to make things better, make them right, apologize or win someone's favor back. Instead of being able to move on to the future, I get lost feeling sorry for the past. How egocentric is that?

Only Christ can change my heart from being SELF-ish and trying to control outcomes and please people - to becoming CHRIST-ish (aka Christian.) I just started a book (one of my Christmas presents from my Dad - thanks Dad!) called Theological Guide to Calvin's Institutes by Hall and Lilliback. In the foreward they mention a Latin phrase, which so FAR supercedes our generation's cry of 'carpe diem'. The phrase is coram deo and means a constant "awareness that we do and must live our lives... in the presence and sight of the searcher of hearts..." So much for my sorry actions and sorry feelings about those actions being hidden from my Maker. He knows my expectations, my failures, my pride, my inconsistency. The great test for my life will be whether I stop fighting His will for me to surrender my complete and whole heart to Him. Why do I cling to my bondage, instead of letting His freedom search and know my heart and take my guilt away?

kasey's birthday

2009-12-15T18:25:00.000-08:00

For my wonderful Western roomie and friend Kasey, I thought it would be fun to do something special for her birthday. Medical students have a history of celebrating birthdays by bar hopping and other such lazy (if not somewhat repetitious with someone or other's birthday being each weekend) social outlets, so I asked her what she thought of having a smaller dinner party to celebrate. She loved the idea of a murder mystery and so I did some googling... ordered a box, asked her to assign her friends to parts and voila! It ended up loads of fun.

Here was the cast:

ROOMIES!!

Angel Roni (the birthday girl herself!)

Tara Misu

Rocco Scarfazzi

Marco Roni

Father Alfredo

me as Mama Rosa (grieving widow)

Bo Jalais

star of the evening with a fantastic accent... Clair Voyant!

flu-zies

2009-10-26T19:57:00.000-07:00

This is BACTERIA... (E. Coli to be precise)

These are virions (of influenza VIRUS)

Bacteria DOES NOT equal Virus. Repeat with me, bacteria DOES NOT equal virus.

Goooood. So just a little pet peeve of mine, all of you hand-sanitizers out there using antibacterial wipes and gels (yes I use them, too) - you can still get the flu. Actually you probably still WILL get the flu - so get used to it. Water, rest, lots more water, good movies, blankets/towels for when you feel like you're overheating, NSAIDS for the joint pain/headaches - just stock up now. Think of it this way, if you did really use the stuff that kills the flu (which we medical professionals use on our stethoscopes and instruments) you would develop liver cancer, because it's so toxic. So yes, you're really better off with the flu than that, my friends.

Just don't tell me you're not going to get the flu because you use anti-bacterial gel. Seriously, that line of thought is a real flu-zy. . . as is my sense of humor - I know, I know.

It seems weird to ask for prayer for a denomination....

2009-10-20T19:44:00.000-07:00

It seems weird to ask people to pray for a denomination, but I think it's not a bad thing to ask for. I guess people ask for prayer for churches that are going through hard times, and so I might as well ask for prayer for the Presbyterian Church of America (PCA). The PCA is the denomination that ordained and called my father into ministry and they have for a long time held to Biblical principles. I memorized much of the Shorter Catechism when I was short enough to use the piano bench as a table. I still love turning to the Westminister Confession of Faith when in need of some intellectual spiritual exercising.

Despite all my fondness for the PCA, human systems and human programs can err. I am afraid the PCA is going down a path (regarding women's roles) that they will never return from - and a path, I should remark that we've seen many other denominations take. I hope my fears come to nothing, but we could all use a little more time on our knees (I speak for myself) and starting with a denomination and praying for your local church, your family, your friends to all be enlightened by the Bible is a good thing indeed.

You can read more at Chris's website here: http://reformation21.blogspot.com/2009/10/hermeneutical-framework-recently-i-had.html

music, classical that is

2009-10-07T14:05:00.000-07:00

I'm hard away studying for our huge infectious diseases exam of bugs, drugs, immunology, malnutrition, etc. Anyway, brain food is required to stay on task and classical music feeds my soul in a way that I can't describe. I don't know what people have against classical, but I love it. When I was little I would lay on the large persian rug in our living room surrounded by my parent's antique (old, at least :)) furniture, turn on the classical radio station with speakers on the floor, and close my eyes. It was a game to imagine the music telling a story. I always loved depicting epic battles with Chronicle of Narnia characters or Romans or some other fanciful creatures. Crescendos would rise as battles would grow heated, eventually peaking in the victor standing gracefully over the defeated.

I'm not quite as imaginative anymore, but I still love closing my eyes and getting transported into a story by music performed well enough. On my favorite classic track of late is Mozart's Symphony 5 in B flat - the first movement is best...

sometimes i get a little stir crazy

2009-10-01T14:50:00.000-07:00

so i thought i had wanderlust licked, but somehow it creeps up on me out of nowhere and i have an extreme urge to travel. sometimes it's when i'm driving home and i wonder if i just kept driving where i would end up. i must be an absolute weirdo, but that's just the way it is. sometimes it's when i'm at the grocery purchasing necessary items like food, and i think about how much i would pay for the same item in a different place, let's call it Y. then i feel like not buying whatever it is because i tell myself if i save up enough maybe i could actually go to Y. sometimes the feeling is so strong it's like i walked under a waterfall, othertimes it's just like the drizzle-rain that feels like the heavens are spitting on you - either way it's uncalled for. but i sigh, and try to push the thoughts down again.

my friend Katie is in the philippines where a typhoon hit and has caused major disaster in manilla. indonesia just had a massive earthquake killing hundreds. another typhoon has leveled villages in cambodia, where Kate Pieps had been, and southeast asia. i hear about these things and again i'm called to travel for a much more concrete reason -- all i want to do is go and help!!

not now. not now. hold off. just pray for them. that's all you can do.

ethiopian food

2009-09-28T13:48:00.000-07:00

This weekend, after a successful completion of our neurology domain earlier in the week, my roomate Meridith and I took an evening off. Mer's a huge fan of Ethiopian food and claims the restaurant in Ann Arbor has the best she's had in many places (NY, OR, TX, MI). So I went not knowing what to expect, and was enthralled by Injera (the special dipping bread made from Teff). It was so delicious and I was happily surprised to discover that there might be more great "firsts" out there for me to try than I had thought. [My list of firsts generally includes only travel destinations or animals to ride... but, food! What a delicious new category!]

After we went to a concert at the Michigan Theater, which is a beautiful gold-guilded, old-fashioned theater in the downtown area. Beach House opened and had me swaying and tapping to their indie-style chillaxin music. The main singer has a voice from another era, with its sultry depth and easy flow she was a perfect match for the calming instrumentals. Here's a taste: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2I8t0bxS8HE&feature=player_embedded

Next Grizzly Bear played, and while their music is good, I didn't quite enjoy it as much.

But yeah, Ethiopian food - if you haven't tried it... you should!

this is for erin in africa, c/o study break 7:00-7:15

2009-09-03T16:22:00.000-07:00

hello september

2009-08-31T19:14:00.000-07:00

I'm a lackey at blogging but for all my inconsistency, it is a great thing to be able to sit down and at once summon thoughts and images together to paint a picture of an ever-changing life. The most exciting news is that I've moved into a house!!

The house has already been a huge blessing to me, although I still miss being around the family that I lived with for my first two years back at Michigan State. Two other classmates live with me though, and it's been sweet getting to know them more.

Classes began today for the fall and I'm actually extremely excited about the first 3-week domain of Neurology.

I have new goals for the year, so sorry if you don't care to know them, I always do better if I cement resolutions in writing.

1. No complaining about school. [I am living my dream, so there!]

2. Physical excercise: A friend and I are going to join a weekly gym class and I'll be swimming at least once a week.

3. Sampling different restaurants in the area (2 new places/month)

Fall goals: See a Lions game and Redwings game...

Video pass along...

2009-04-30T17:28:00.000-07:00

This is a wonderful song that my best friend Erin posted a while back and I thought I would share it here. A lot has been happening in my life, too much it seems to sit down and recount right now... but perhaps later - until then, enjoy this -->

http://virb.com/theautumnfilm/videos/2656264

Memorium

2008-11-23T17:19:00.000-08:00

It's been a fast couple of weeks since I last wrote... and in that space of time I have been dotting the midwest and southern landscape of the US with travel. First, my grandfather passed away November 6 and I was able to find an inexpensive flight to travel back to Kansas to celebrate his life with my extended family.

My Grandad, Junius, was 84 when he passed away. He spent the better part of his life (65 years) married to my grandmother, and had done so much with his life that I found out all sorts of new things about him even at the funeral. (Who knew he helped start a hydroelectric plant in Ecuador that is still running today? That he had been so involved in Christian Radio?) That he had impacted many people's lives was no surprise to me. Out of his five children, 18 grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren - only one of the grandkids wasn't at the funeral (and for good school-related academic reasons!) Grandad's visitation was jam-packed, standing room only, with people doing what should be done at a funeral.... they were celebrating a life well-lived, with laughter at the past, tears of bittersweet joy, and gladness in knowing Grandad was no longer suffering in heaven.

I tried to write down some thoughts about him (though brief with limited time in school now):

Few people are blessed enough to encounter, not to mention, know a great person in their lifetime – and I’ve been extremely privileged to be related to such a rare and wonderful person. Grandad was a legend for all the grandkids growing up. I remember wondering how he could know as many people as he did, because everywhere we’d go (from Pub ‘n Grub in Green Mountain Falls, CO to a local breakfast place in Lawrence, KS) we were bound to run into someone Grandad knew by name. The part that was always inspiring to me too, was that everyone we encountered always seemed genuinely happy to see him. When I was younger I remember how special the entrance to Pub n’Grub (now Black Bear) on Thursday nights would be with Grandad. Cy and the gang would play “Pennies From Heaven” and hands would raise and wave as we would sing along with the personal dedication to Grandad and Nonny.

There are at least three genes I hope I’ve inherited from Grandad. First would be his wit. (Okay, I admit that’s too much to hope for. We all know he’s funnier than any of the rest of us could ever wish to be.) Yet whenever a situation seems too stressful or too serious, I think of Grandad and his ability to say the perfect thing to make everyone relax and laugh.

I’d also like to have his great mix of genius and people skills. He was a mastermind at engineering and business, and he never tired of watching the stocks on the news or reading articles on investing. But he was also such a loving and kind man when it came to charity and giving. I remember hearing people (in the numerous places we’d randomly encounter them) thanking him for different ways he’d helped them – he helped people get jobs, get through tough spots… not passing up opportunities to make other people’s lives better.

Lastly, and most importantly, my grandfather was a man of faith. To many people, faith is confined to Sunday mornings and mealtime grace – but Grandad considered his whole life, in all its entirety, to be a means of showing God’s grace to the world. There is a tendency at times like this, where a person who has gone to glory is somehow idealized. But what I remember about my wonderful great Grandad was that in his faith he never claimed to be perfect. I consider him a model of greatness not because he was somehow perfect but because he did what he thought was best, but was humble in giving God the glory for all the blessings he received throughout his life.

I am selfish in being sad that Grandad is gone, because HE is obviously in a much better place. But I had always wanted my future husband and children (if I have them) to meet him and see what a really great man looks like.

The evening after the funeral, just several people were left at the house, and I was talking with my grandmother in the kitchen. I said to her, "This all makes me think of what I want people to say about me when I die." Nonny's response was quick and seasoned with wisdom - she couldn't have been more right, "That's not important, Abbie. What's really important is what God says about your life."

In God I trust

2008-11-03T11:31:00.000-08:00

It seemed apt that yesterday in church we happened to read a short excerpt from Psalm 57. With elections coming up tomorrow and people worrying about so many problems in our country - I thought this was a good reminder of what we trust as Christians.

A lot of us are worried about the future of our country, the economy, our families, our jobs, etc. Some of us are just anxious about exams or maybe the health of a loved one. Yes, even Christians have restless nights of worry as different situations plague us. Yet, God knows all of our thoughts. He hears us when we struggle even to understand hardships in life and call out, "Lord, what about this? How will ___ work out? Will you take care of ____? What should I do about ____?"

Read below as He counts each of our tossings, and catches each teardrop. Such a God is He, that He cares even for our minute worries and sleepless nights. So we can say with confidence that in HIM we trust. Shouldn't our worries fall to the wayside in light of His provision and care for us? Regardless of who wins tomorrow, America's motto of "In God we trust" is not as significant as each of our own individual cries of "In God I trust!"

Ps 57:8-13
"You have kept count of my tossings;
put my tears in a bottle.
Are they not in your book?
Then my enemies will turn back
in the day when I call.
This I KNOW, that God is for me.
In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
I must perform my vows to you, O God;
I will render thank offerings to you.
For you have delivered my soul from death,
yes, my feet from falling,
that I maybe walk before God
in the light of life."

That said, I hope you all vote tomorrow... and importantly I hope that you all pray not just for the future president and the future of our country, but that you would pray that we would all learn to trust God more.

7 years ago...MSU beat U of M

2008-10-25T19:04:00.000-07:00

I was reminded tonight by my dear friend from undergrad days Katie Bieber Loveland, that seven years ago we were standing in the Spartan stadium watching a very memorable football game. Back then we were freshmen Spartans, totally new to life on campus and when we beat the Wolverines and the stadium erupted with screams heard citywide, I didn't understand then what I do now.

What a glorious thing it is when green trumps blue.

Crazy how life repeats itself... the last time Michigan State beat Michigan I was a freshman undergrad and now I'm a freshman medical student.

My blood still bleeds green. Maybe even moreso now! Go green! Go white!

Three weeks into October, two months into medical school

2008-10-22T15:23:00.000-07:00

Now the third medical school class is out of the way with the cumulative final in Biochemistry on Monday. I'm definitely happy it's over, but I look back on the past two months and don't know where they've gone. I'd like to be able to retrospectively reflect on some notable achievements that I've made or some kind (any kind of) outstanding accomplishments, but all I see is the starting circuit of a marathon race that I can't see the end of yet. There are no major contributions that I've made to society. There are no trumpets that sound when I wake up the morning, to summon me to any epic-like situation. There aren't ever sensations of feeling heroic. No, this is life. And it's so simple really, the lesson God's teaching me in all of this.

"You are not anything without Me."

It's a humbling, yet reassuring message. On the one hand, it takes away pride (which if I might have were I at the top of the class, which I'm definitely not). I know without a doubt that of my own volition, I would not currently be a candidate for an MD degree. I would not be in medical school, except... by the grace of God. So the responsibility for this part of my life - or really any parts of my life - I can't claim, and that makes me feel very small. Yet in the same way, knowing that God has used my life in this way is wonderful. THE Creator of the universe is managing my life. THE Alpha and Omega is orchestrating my entire day. HE that is so busy with trillions, no an infinity, of other matters in the world, has taken the time to care for me. What a humbling position this peon (me) finds herself in. I have no merit or quality that would justify or make me deserve what I've been given, yet my dear Father in heaven is ever so gracious to me.

And so the daily humdrum and gestalt of life seems more special, even in it's simplicity; knowing that there's a symphony being directed to make even the 'boring' parts of life happen at all.

Homesickness

2008-09-20T20:34:00.000-07:00

Definition of terms...

"sickness" - unwellness, abnormal condition, disease, illness

"home" - hard to define, but I think of it as where I am loved most, and where I love to be

It's hard to define home these days. I mean, I spent the first 18 years of my life in one home, on one street, in one small little town in Wyoming. Then five of the last seven years in Michigan, but a break with two in Colorado. And Colorado is where most of my near family lives.

So when I feel homesick now, it's the strangest and most disorienting feeling. I long for something that I feel I'm unable to define or grasp, yet the longing remains. It's like a strange sensation of missing out on something, without being able to even truly feel sensible of what that something is. If that's not vague enough, then I haven't aptly described my feeling of homesickness. I want to be near my family, yet am utterly certain I live and am where I'm supposed to be.

My dad told me the other day on the phone, "Remember, this is not where you want to be.... but it is the path to take to get where you want to be." I think that's true. It's just such an odd balancing act of sacrifice and self-denial. On the one hand, family is the most important thing to me; on the other hand I have to give up being near them in order to pursue the calling of medicine. So I'm left feeling this murky sensation of floating, being confident my direction is right, but disoriented without my family there. Wow, that makes me sound so lost, doesn't it?! I know God is with me, no doubt about that. Yet even with wonderful people around (like my 'family' here in Michigan - the Olsons), I feel homesick. Maybe it's a longing for heaven. I don't know, but the feeling rolls over me like tides, and right now it's high tide.

Lecrae has a great rap song about feeling alien as a Christian in this world, called "A.L.I.E.N.S." 'Strangers in places, foreign in lands that we are in, call us peculiar but know that WE ARE ALIENS....' Good tune, check it out.

"A - A whole notha kind of folks, kinda slowBut we gotta go cause the world's so Ill

L - Livin' the life and livin' it rightAnd livin' for Christ and that's real in the field

I- Intelligent but irrelavent without ChristIt's nothing but another sin element

E- Eternal Purpose, without it this earth is dead and worthless

N- Never stop giving Him PropsGiving Him praise now until the end of our days

S- Seek Him and please Him and let the people know that they need Him

Aliens! New Creations, new free agents, ain't signed to sinWhat the world do, we don't doCause we wanna do what the Lord does; Christ within our systemListen our mission's the Great Commisssion, we come here to represent HimThat's why we call ourself Christianans, Ha, Let me spit another lineFor the Plumbline and the Frontline one time on the front lineskeep holdin' it down for all the pilgrimsAll over the world representing for the bloodline"

School days, again

2008-09-19T13:02:00.000-07:00

Shifting gears from traveling and the whirl and buzz of jet-setting, I have slowly adjusted to the daily rhythm of medical studies. I am still far behind in catching up on correspondence, world events, and even domestic politics.

Biochemistry and Physiology are on the to-do list, and they are definitely something to-do. Last weekend was great for studying because it was rainy, but the weather has shifted bittersweetly to sunny days that ever distract me from the hum and drum of classwork.

I've been reading in Ephesians recently and a study guide asked the other day, "if God has given us all spiritual blessings, then what are you thankful for? And how often do you thank God for all you have been given?" So as my study break today, I've decided I want to come up with a list of just some of the things I'm thankful for.

*knowing God - I mean, I still know Him imperfectly, but just the insight He has given me to know Himself is a blessing
*blessings of friendships - beyond my extremely encouraging family, I am surrounded by a great group of friends who daily challenge and encourage me to strengthen and grow my faith
*physical blessings- I can see (which makes me able to read and study), I have a brain that can think, I have a voice, I can walk and get around and see this world He's created... I feel so privileged to get to do all of that!

Anyway, here's to being thankful for the small things (that are actually so important in the big scheme of things!) Cheers!

Tokyo and home....

2008-09-19T12:48:00.000-07:00

I love Japan. No, I really do. I would go back in a heartbeat. Maybe it was in the stark contrast between the disorder/repression/poverty of India, that Japan shone like a surreal utopia. However, I absolutely adored my time spent in the vastly advanced and well-cultured Asian city of Tokyo.

I had gotten worn out by the time spent in India, and because of things happening back on the mainland, I had developed a strong urge to come home (bypassing Japan altogether.) Fortunately though, it was too expensive to change flights, so I ended up spending four delightful days. Here are some highlights...

1. Meeting Malin, the fun Swedish traveling companion for the majority of time I spent there.
2. The deliciously exotic food and meandering around interesting shops and stalls.3. Sleeping overnight in the oddly futuristic and almost sci-fi "capsule."

4. Spending the last night with two Japanese strangers who befriended me and took me to do that altogether Asian thing to do... Kah-rah-oke. (That's really how you're supposed to pronounce it!)

INDIA catch up

2008-07-17T14:36:00.000-07:00

Digesting my trip to India has taken a while, but I feel like I've finally come to some conclusions about the time I spent there.

1. General - medical work is emotionally and physically demanding. There's a lot of poverty (which means limited resources) and a lot of work to be done. I also think that because of the language barrier, it would have been better to do work in India after more training and experience in the field. Yet for all that, I'm really glad I went - because I truly learned a lot about medicine and people (including myself.)

2. Travel/tourism - Part of what is so exhausting about travel in India is dealing with aggressive rickshaw drivers and booth owners attempting to 'barter' (aka - get as much money as possible from you.) Being American, you also get the celebrity treatment from people and it can be exhausting shaking hands, signing autographs and posing for photographs (especially when you're not important.)

3. People - Please note that this is an extreme overgeneralization because I never traveled to the South of India and stayed in mainly one region. I will say that the poverty is worn on people's faces, like a white flag is flown in surrender. There is resignation and hopelessness. I feel especially like Hinduism has (through it's teachings on reincarnation etc) been a particularly repressive influence on the people. What hope is there to make a better life, when you're taught that whatever 'caste' you're born into you're stuck in? I liked the Maharastreans though , as they were kind to me.

There were four other girls in the program with me... Taj (from MA/Atlanta) in Public Health, Han (from PA) in pre-med, Avanti (from TX/Indian descent) in med school, and Maya (from MI) in nursing. We all got along pretty well, which is a blessing, having spent a month together non-stop. (Taj even traveled the last two weeks in Northern India with me when we visited the Himalayas and the Golden Triangle.)

4. Food - Mostly we ate chipati (which is a fantastic tortilla-like flatbread in India.) We also had daal, rice, meat (not much because it's better to be veg), and masala. We ate with our hands.

5. Favorite memories.... undoubtedly, my favorite time spent in India was in the most northern region I visited, up in the Himalayas. The people there were more Nepalese/Mongolian/Tibetan-looking than really Indian. There were buddhist prayer flags everywhere and people were extremely warm. I must say, speaking topographically, that the landscape was not what I had expected. It was hot and our town at 11,000 ft boasted no snow. In fact, there wasn't even snow at 14,000 ft which was a surprise for this mountain girl from Wyoming. (Though there was snow at 17,600 ft, the summit of one of our trips.) Ask me sometime about my surviving a raging river, on the border with China, by being carried piggy-back style.... it's quite comical.

Piep in Phnom Penh

2008-05-25T21:11:00.000-07:00

To fly to India, I have to go through Bangkok, but I don't know anyone in Thailand and don't care for large cities, so when I found out my friend Kate was in Cambodia I decided to take the plunge and fly to Phnom Penh to visit her instead of being stuck in Bangkok for a few days.

So she has graciously taken me into her home and is letting me tag along with her in her work for World Relief Cambodia.

Things I've learned in Cambodia:

1. The church needs to be active here, like yesterday! Less than 2% of the country is Christian, and most are animistic buddhist. Yet 50% of the population is under the age of 18. In the 1970's, the Khmer Rouge was the silent, bloody massacre of 2 million Cambodians. Because of all the foreign aid that actually is keeping the country afloat, there are a lot of NGO's (Christian and not) that are doing some great work here. I attended a church here yesterday that is mixed English-Khmer with a small congregation but where there are 6 new believers. How exciting huh?! It has been awesome not only to see God's work in His church, but to catch up with Kate (who I knew back at MSU) who is still fighting the good fight of faith 6 years after I met her. Also, kind of cool in reflection of this whole trip to think of how most of the people I'm visiting in Asia I met at my home church in Lansing, MI and how now they're all over the world serving the Kingdom.

2. Rain takes a different meaning here. My first day, we were waiting for a moto, and I saw one raindrop (that was my warning) and then it was like someone standing behind me started pouring buckets on my head. I was drenched in less than 10 seconds. It was crazy.

3. Ants are nasty. Don't leave your bag near the door when it has had food (even though doesn't currently have food) in it, because otherwise you will unzip the backpack to an anthill. I'll leave it at that.

4. One of the cool livelihood programs not even run by Christians is an acid attack reintegration center - where women who have been scarred by acid attacks actually get trained to be masseurs. So Kate and her roomate Deanna (nurse from Indiana) took me to get massages yesterday. It was such a blessing, because you get a great massage from really neat girls while getting to support them in a legitimate livelihood.

5. Tuk-tuks are sweet modes of transportation. Pronounced "took-tooks"they are like carts with a motorcycle driver. Similar to the Philippines, it's not bad behavior though to stare - so three white women traveling in tuk-tuks are bound to get some attention. Like yesterday, when the motorcycle behind our tuk-tuk had a driver who kept trying to talk to us. "Hello""hi""what's your name?"were not infrequent sounds from motorcycles passing close to us. While I haven't gotten a marriage proposal yet (gosh, darn! I'm so bummed. hahaha.) apparently, it's not uncommon.

Did I mention that in Bangkok (during the one evening layover) I was saved from being lost by a handsome austrian, johnny depp look-alike? I was standing there with all my luggage, with a sweaty red face, turning my map with directions the guesthouse upside down and all around. He came up with an "Are you lost?" and I was like, "What gave it away?" Anyway he not only knew the directions to the place, but he walked me there and upon leaving me shook my hand and said, "Welcome to Bangkok." I wish the rest of the city were so friendly! (and so handsome)

Philippines goodbye

2008-05-25T20:46:00.000-07:00

One of the last sites Katie took me and her intern to was a place northwest in Manila, which is a shantytown built on garbage heap. It's a strange mess of shacks built next to each other. There are cement walkways hung perilously by some kind of wire backbone that connect most of the shacks. Yet the last area is connected by narrow wooden beams.

We were the most exciting entertainment for the locals to watch as we balanced our way across in a circus act. But while they laughed and stared at the white troup unfamiliar to their "town", I couldn't laugh but was scared to death after peering below into the dark, oily, polluted waters. Actually compared with the alternative of falling into the sickeningly smelly waters below, I thought to myself that death would be preferred.

It bothers me that living in that wasteland is a normalcy for the people squatting there. It bothers me that children are left roaming around and can fall into the not only disgusting, but chemically detrimental waters that sit beneath the housing. Most of all, it bothers me that the church allows something like this to go on.

Yet transformation from sin into the new life of Christ is not an overnight change, but a slow work. Food for the Hungry's ministry is heartening in that light, because as they come in with child developent programs and microenterprise projects, they are transforming the community from inside out. The women that we met with had started a savings group and had already begun to see the benefit of saving and putting money aside - and wanted to continue the program the next year. Slowly, ever so slowly, is change being made. And my hope is not in any one of the programs that churches are partnering to do in that community, but rather my hope is in a God with the power and ability to transform lives. People will fail and the work can be frustrating, but God never fails and HE is the one at work. That is my hope.

Katie's doing a great job in Manila and it was hard to say goodbye, but it was really encouraging to see her toil and labor be going to do so much where it is direly needed. What a blessing and priviledge to see God work through her there in the Philippines!

Manila with Middle

2008-05-19T22:17:00.000-07:00

Ate Vicki in her area, with intern David, and Katie Middlestead

Things I've learned in the Philippines in the short period of time I've been here:

1. You sweat more here. It is really hot - standing in line for the tram is like standing in a sauna, except there is no relief of a cold shower afterwards... no, no, you must stay hot all day long. Did I mention it was hot here?

Sweet girls living in bamboo shacks on the edge of the ocean.

2. You spend more time on transportation than at your destination. On Saturday, when Katie (my friend here working with Food for the Hungry (FH)) took an intern and myself to some FH sites we took 15 (FIFTEEN!) different vehicles. Everyone here takes tricycles, jeepneys, peddlebikes, buses, mini buses, taxis for public transportation. Yet with all the insane driving, I haven't seen any accidents.

View from the inside of a tricycle.

3. Facial expressions and hand gestures are a significant means of communication. So if you don't feel like saying yes, just raise your eyebrows and that's enough. Don't feel like pointing? Purse your lips and nod your head and that'll do as well! Rest your hand on my leg, or around my wrist... well, don' worry, that doesn't mean anything other than that you're my friend.

4. Malls are the place to be. And that's not because they have any great stuff really, but because they are.... drum roll... AIR CONDITIONED!! Ahhh. They are wonderful.

This young girl with a shy smile suffered from some kind of deformity where her feet were turned inside, unfortunately I have heard this malady is not uncommon.

5. Probably the neatest thing I've learned here is how the work of the Gospel is still being spread by God's faithful servants. Not only are FH's employees, like Katie, helping to minister the truth through service, but we visited a church in Los Banos that is doing a bunch of church planting. Speaking with their pastor was exciting, because of his vision and heart for the poor. It's not easy, especially hearing FH's struggles with the poor who are unwilling to work out of their situations - but seeing a church like NCC come alongside the people most often forgotten or ignored is a hopeful chance to see Jesus alive in His people. At NCC those unable to tithe take home bags that they can fill with rice to bring as a tithe instead. Even out of nothing, people are willing to sacrifice and dedicate what they have to the Lord. It's really beautiful.

These boys couldn't get enough of the camera! Either their faces or fingers managed to get in every shot!

Hong Kong: first stop on the Spartan AsiaTour :)

2008-05-16T05:04:00.000-07:00

My greeters after the fourteen hour plane ride: myself, Man Tai and Calvin both picked my up from the airport, and Courtney

There is a different pace in Hong Kong. I think it's a rather unusual place in Asia, in that the people are highly business-minded, and have a work ethic far exceeding that of the Western world. That is a generalization of course, but the city is clean for having such a huge population. My friends that took me around were more than hospitable. From picking me up to the airport, to taking the time to plan my daily schedule so that I would get to see as much as possible, I was impressed with their thoughtfulness and graciousness at all times. I didn't know what to expect visiting Hong Kong, but my experience has warmed me and I would gladly go back to visit my Hong Kong-ese friends there again like Calvin, Man Tai, Courtney, and Eva.

Some highlights were:

Opening night dinner with Man Tai, Calvin, and Courtney; touring TST and island side with Man Tai - including a harbor cruise and tram ride up to the peak; and seeing the Big Buddha and Stanley with Calvin; and closing night dinner with Calvin and Eva (two friends I met through an English study group back at MSU five years ago!) I can't believe how fast time flies!!
Eva, myself and Calvin - my social events planner and host for most of the trip.

Victoria Harbor with Man Tai... before he got called off to do reporting on the earthquake in mainland China.

"Big Buddha" - largest bronze statute of Buddha erected in 1995 by Hong Kong government - has a monastery below as well.

Summer plans

2008-05-01T17:35:00.000-07:00

So I failed at continuing "funny" blog entries on here. I guess life has been slightly busier than I thought it was going to be. Anyway part of the busy-ness of life has been arranging summer travel plans to Asia. For the few of you who actually read this, I will be doing a medical program run by Child Family Health International . I'll be on the Western side of India doing medical rotations-ish through clinics and hospitals. The organization isn't affiliated with any religious group, but it's a great opportunity for learning about what specialty I might be interested in, while getting to do some intensive medical work in a developing country that I could missions in when I finish medical school.

The first stop that I make will be in Hong Kong and I get in tomorrow. I'll spend a few days there before heading to the Philippines to see Katie Middlestead and follow her around as she works with Food for the Hungry. I'm getting very excited for the whole summer - but still somewhat nervous about last minute details and arrangements. Will try to write more later...

Cheeky exercise #1

2008-03-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to out-laugh (not silence) my common tendency to become too serious about life, I decided the best way my writing could be spent would be covering little hilarities of this greatly, tragically flawed and imperfect life we all share.

So exercise your cheeks, your vocals, and your stomach and deepen the crow's feet around your eyes...

This picture I stole from Carrie's page but seemed an apt way to begin, her caption being:

Wal-Mart Employee: "Hello 'dis Walmarts, how can I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week."Wal-Mart Employee: "Whatcha want on the cake?"
Customer: "Best Wishes Suzanne."And underneath that, "We will miss you."

In memory of bad phone calls, here's Willie P Richardson's prank phone call "Switchin' Babies":

Don't watch the video because it's dumb, but listen to the prank call as it's full of ignorant stereotypes and funny gullible people.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVP3otG3rCc

.75 February

2008-02-20T18:03:00.000-08:00

Wow! This month has flown by! Whew. I can't believe how much knowledge I've crammed into the finite recesses of my brain in such a small amount of time, but it's been a good month.

The first weekend in February was SCF women's retreat and I had a blast getting to hang out with a great group of undergrad gals. I spoke the opening night, and while I felt rushed and didn't get to cover everything, I hope at least some of them got the message that God makes no mistakes in His design of us and our lives. The whole event took place at a secluded farmhouse in a town forty minutes from East Lansing. The dynamics have changed since I was an undergrad (a lot of the girls were dating or engaged), but the fellowship was just as wonderful and rejuvenated me and challenged me. I just wish I had more time to hang out with all of them.

The next weekend my grandparents celebrated their 65th anniversary and the whole Urish subclan flew in for the event. It was great to see them and extended (far extended family even) over the weekend. My grandfather suffers from Parkinson's disease and has for a long time, and it never ceases to amaze me at his patience and forbearance - and my grandmother Nonny's tireless love. They both love each other in such a wonderful way, it's always a blessing to be around them as their love pours out on everyone around. Another treat from the weekend was getting to visit with the Jim Ryun clan. He is such a fantastic man of integrity - both he and his wife and I am praying they win in the next election in Kansas. People like them give me hope for the political process.

Gosh, there's so much more to talk about! I don't even know where to begin. I'll just mention that with Lent going on, I am trying to give up tv shows and radio in the car. I value the quiet time in the car so much more now that it's like a whirlwind of life in classes and all. It's given me extra time to pray and think. TV is such a vacuum for me too, I get immediately sucked in and I'm trying to be more conscious of how I spend my time.

The last two Sundays were full of excellent messages for me. In Kansas, a question that the pastor asked us to be asking ourselves about the people around us was, "Will I meet you on the resurrection day?" It was challenging, and I realized I don't take enough of my relationships seriously to be considering how another person would answer that question. And if they didn't know about heaven... who would be held accountable for failing to tell them?!

Along those lines, this Sunday my pastor here in Michigan preached in Corinthians. Actually it was another phrase not a bible verse that stuck out to me, but he said, "If you believe in the Holy Spirit, then you HAVE to believe that people can change." Sometimes I get so frustrated, even with myself and my sin that I feel like I'll just never get better, I'm not changing and becoming more like Christ. Yet the hope of my faith IS that people change. And really, not just them, but God in them at work changes us. I can't despair in the face of sin, but must continue to hope (and my hope is well justified) that I can change as Christ lives in me now.

Wonder, not weather

2008-01-19T10:15:00.000-08:00

Recently the most common topic of conversations I've had with people revolves around climate. I've noticed this in increasing frequency as I have become more increasingly busy. I've wondered why? I mean, while weather governs a lot of day-to-day activity, it is hardly something that piques my interest or causes the wheels in my head to turn.

Is it laziness? Do we have nothing else to talk about and use it as a crutch to fall back on? Is it the most impersonal subject matter that we choose to chatter about? While walking by people in the hallway, second to the "Hey's" "How's it going's" is the "Sure is cold out there's" or "Can you believe (fill in the blank about the weather)'s" not to mention the slightly longer conversations in the computer lab.

I think it's a means of communicating between people that can be inoffensive and easy. As my life gets more and more book-oriented though, I value the few/several conversations I actually get to have with people during the day. Thus, I have noticed more and more the superficial elements of my dialogue with others. Why can't people ask deeper questions of me? Why don't I ask them of others? (And I am not talking about those brief walk-by shout outs.) I mean, when did we stop talking about our faith and the importance of what matters most? I don't think we should be intentionally be offensive to others, but do I placate others too much in trying to be considerate?

I hope you all call me out whenver I am superficial or thoughtless. Wouldn't it be nice to have questions actually asking something? I mean, wondering or really caring about someone?

Merry Christmas/Happy New Year 2008!

2007-12-02T14:15:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!
As always, I would love to hear from you how your past year went and where you are these days….

Last year I ended the Christmas letter with a note on my anticipated Antarctica adventure, so I’ll begin there. The trip, lasting 3 weeks over last Christmas break, went extremely well with “good” weather and fortunate sightings. I went with MSU students on a study abroad program and we saw multiple species of birds (including 4 kinds of penguins), seals, and 2 types of whales. Icebergs in Antarctica, glaciers in Argentina, and all kinds of ice viewed from atop our Russian ship were all highlights as well.

This picture
helped
me win the
MSU Spartans
Abroad
Photography
Grand Prize.

I initially had been worried that I would feel too old with undergraduates, but Jessie and I became fast friends after meeting in the airport in Miami. On an 8 mile glacier hike over uneven, steep, icy terrain, she even gave me periods of rest by carrying me piggyback.

I finished teaching in the spring without knowing whether I would be accepted into medical school, but didn’t have much time to think as my family and I went to Europe in early May to celebrate my parent’s 30th anniversary. Mom and Dad had met at L’Brie in Villars, Switzerland and we had always wanted to go back as a family.

First we spent a week in Scotland visiting: St. Andrews, Edinburgh, and various parts of the country by staying in bed and breakfasts along our route. Even though our rental car was very, VERY small for a family of 5, we managed to fit all of our luggage, food items, and gift items in it without losing anything on the multiple roundabouts driving the ‘wrong’ way.

We then spent a week in Switzerland visiting Vilars, Gruyere, Geneva, and other places. All of us were unanimous in picking the highlight of the trip as eating fondue at this restaurant up in the Alps.

While on the trip, I got an email saying I had been accepted to Michigan State’s College of Human Medicine (M.D) in a five year program. I immediately accepted, feeling confirmed in my passion and enjoyment for science and learning. It changed my entire summer though, because the program began June 1st only a week and a half after I returned to the US.

When I had interviewed in March, a family from my church had mentioned the possibility of housing. So fast-forward to today. I live with the Olsons. I am back at URC for church and it’s exciting to get to see old friends there and around East Lansing, Michigan or even Chicago, IL.

This is a shot under the
Bean in Chicago with
Katie Loveland and
Keerthy Kishore (two dear
friends from undergrad.)

Many friends from college are getting married or having children, and it’s nice to close enough to be a part of such big life changes. Also, it’s nice to be closer to the Urish clan in Illinois, where my parents, brother, and sister and I spent Thanksgiving. This photo was taken by Amanda Urish.

There’s a little update on me. Maybe I’ll see some of you in Colorado over Christmas break, if not… emails and phone calls will have to do.

May God’s blessings be on your families and lives in the coming year…

Much love!

No reserve

2007-11-11T09:30:00.000-08:00

Just got back from Kentucky and the Global Health Missions Conference (www.medicalmissions.com) where I roadtripped with 11 other MSU med students. Thursday night Steve Saint translated for a tribesman from the same tribe that had killed his father and Jim Elliott. In Spanish, followed by the English translation, I heard twice over the impact God had made through sacrificial missionaries.

Throughout the following two days, there were a variety of sessions one could choose from (kind of like Urbana). My favorites: HIV and missions highlighted statistics and clinical practice as a medical doctor in Kenya with the Maasei people, photography and missions gave an overview of the importance of demonstrating visually and realistically the work being done overseas, and finally a Neonatal session about low infant mortality in India was really informative.

Spending 12 hours with Lindy, Madonna, and Abbey in the car was great fellowship and I feel rejuvenated. I feel challenged too. The last large group session the man, director of CMDA (Christian Medical and Dental Asscn) described 3 challenges - one of which was 'NO RESERVE.' In it he asked us whether we would allow ourselves to fail for lack of purpose or lack of commitment. Since I still haven't figured out 1) what specialty of medicine to pursue 2) what population to serve 3) missions domestic or international... I feel called to get my act together.

Will I live without reserve?
Will I live without regret?

What's the balance, as I face the challenges
of being a student with the calling to do ministry as well?

I've heard, and think it's true, that the closer I am to Jesus the easier it becomes to answer those questions.

Politics on the brain

2007-11-02T14:02:00.000-07:00

I was invited on facebook to go to a MSU College Republicans event tomorrow hosting Mr. Romney, the Senator from Utah that is running for President. My response kind of surprised me, because instead of immediately jumping on the opportunity to get to hear a candidate espouse their views in person, I came up with multiple excuses why I couldn't go. After watching the Democratic debate this week where forerunner Hillary Clinton fumbled, I am little enthused with the parties this year. I don't like the democratic candidates so far, and haven't been drawn to any of the Republicans yet.

I like Huckabee, but I'm wondering how he'll pull it off over Guliani.

Anyone seen any candidates they're fans of?

This is my life

2007-10-20T07:53:00.000-07:00

Week 8 of medical school:

Tuesday
While I was holding a cadaver ankle in one gloved hand going over the ligaments of the foot, one of our lab TA's came up to me. "Abbie? You must know Kris Felak." Puzzled expression on my face as my poor brain which had been concentrating on the language of anatomy wrestled to put together the worlds of Colorado and Michigan. The Felak Attack had led my Bible study back in Colorado, and I had not heard his name in months. I responded slowly, "Kris? Oh yeah! I definitely know him." The handsome blue coat continued, "Kris told me about you and said I should look you up, but I just haven't had time.... and here you are!"

That's how I meet people these days. Over dead bodies. And this is my life.

Wednesday
Katie Middlestead left for the Philippines. For three years! I'm excited because I know her work with Food for the Hungry will be challenging and make a huge difference there. Selfishly though, I will miss her company. Thank God for skype.

Thursday
Bible study began normally until sirens went off. The Yang's son ran in saying, "Is that the tohnado wahning? I'm scahwed." We went to the basement before coming upstairs to see stars and turn on the tv. We finished our chapter in Corinthians until 8:30 when the news had told us to be at home. We scattered and I drove back to Mason, only to have the alarm go off two more times. We sat in the basement a while until the all-clear sign. Then again at midnight the rains and wind hit the house making me shutter in my little bed. I confessed all my sins of the day and huddled there wondering what would happen before I slowly fell back to sleep.

Friday
Foreign film night at one of the lecture halls on campus. Fortunately the French movie was pretty clean, for French standards, and funny. Came home to find out that the mom of the family I'm staying with, the Olsons, has an enlarged gallbladder and might need surgery. I got out my textbooks and lecture notes since that was our last unit, but I found nothing.

Saturday
The trees are all on fire. Brilliant colors of fall in Michigan. I'd love to go take pictures but I have a cold and will be staying in bed instead. What a random week!

Jail break

2007-10-14T15:08:00.001-07:00

I'm taking a study break!! I can't take any more perineum or peritoneum!!! So I thought I'd write about an example that my pastor Kevin DeYoung used today in a sermon. I was laughing so hard.

http://www.urc-msu.org/sermon_audio.cfm There are podcasts too, sidenote but if you all want to listen to something really great, his messages back from January on the Will of God are challenging and freeing. I'm not sure if freeing is a word. It should be.

Today he was talking about how Jesus is our Redemption and how there isn't any need to feel guilty or works-oriented because God has fulfilled His requirement and His wrath is dispelled in the cross. So he was using the analogy of a game he played with little 4th and 5th graders. He was sent as the prison breaker. In capture the flag when someone is tagged they are placed in jail until another member of their team is able to get to jail and lead them out safely. He made it to the jail and was greeted by shreiks and shouts of joy from the little kids and they were thrilled as he led them back to safety. The best part about it, he said, was that as soon as they were free they became just like the foolish Isrealites who wandered in the desert. They didn't run back to safety but rather broke off into groups of chatting and socializing. Hahaha. I was laughing hysterically, isn't that just how it goes in elementary school capture the flag????

The bible's comparison of us to children isn't so far off it seems... as many of us in faith get distracted and deterred by life instead of running into the safety and sanctuary of Christ.

Today's epiphanies:

1) Anatomy's definiton should be: the study of how many numerous causes we can die from. Basically, the inevitable pathology of some defect that will make us die. Medicine's definition should be then: delaying the inevitable... okay, and making the going easier. :P

2) I don't realize how good I've got it. Not everyone gets a home with, well obviously a great family but also: prayer and coffee with Jim, Jenny, and Lindy on Sundays, Wii, wifi, Tivo, own bedroom, and milk replacement (because even if I run out, someone else has some.)

Smashing Pumpkins' new faith?

2007-10-09T18:22:00.000-07:00

Listening to their music, the style hasn't changed much... I mean, I'm still not drawn to it. However, ChristianityToday had an interesting article on the lead singer. I don't put much creedance in it, but who am I to doubt God's working in even the lives of the Smashing Pumpkins band?

http://www.christianitytoday.com/music/glimpses/2007/zeitgeist.html

Undoubtedly not Christian, the lyrics make me think of the struggle going on in many people's hearts. I give kudos to those souls at least seeking the truth and asking questions, as opposed to those who feel nothing at all. I pray that for those earnestly seeking, that they will find the truth.

Chicago weekend

2007-09-30T19:16:00.001-07:00

Toured Chicago with old college friends this weekend. K-lo, my old roomate, and I took a bus from Ann Arbor to stay with Keerthy. Keerthy hooked us up with tickets to Second City, an American Girl tour, Oktoberfest, Millenium Park tease and fun jaunts into different shops. We also watched the MSU game, where we barely lost to Wisconsin, with Alex and Rachel. Here are some shots of our trip...

I praise God for old friends.

Life updating...

2007-09-18T17:25:00.001-07:00

While I've been in Michigan for more than two months now, I figure I should update everyone on life and what I've been up to....

I'm in medical school at my alma mater in an extended program for the next five years. The specific program I'm in only has 10 other students and we've developed fast friendships with each other in the intensive summer portion and additional classes we take with one another. Fortunately the group is extremely diverse and so we have plenty to talk about - but no one's gotten sick of each other yet. The joy I take in the classes we're tkaing is a huge confirmation that I'm supposed to be here. Our faculty is overall really fantastic and the program's directors have repeatedly supported us in saying that they want us to be doctors. Even the challenging coursework isn't bad when the end goal is becoming skilled enough to help heal people.

A neat part of being back is the old friends and people I run into around town, campus and at church. Living with the Olsons is a blessing because Jim's been to medical school and knows the balance between studying and fun, and Jenny's just always fun and supportive of nerdy med jokes. Lindy's my wallmate and we carpool to class together. And nooo, weh're noht tahlking en Borat voices... noooo.

Driving by the farms and fields on the way to class is starting to become more beautiful with the fall colors arriving. This weekend I'll camp with my undergrad roomie Amy on the west coast of the state somewhere hopefully on the beach. I wish I could spend more time enjoying the scenery while it's still in the 80s but there so to study that time is essentially spent indoors.

Speaking of which.... I better run!!

Brain splosion

2007-09-11T18:11:00.000-07:00

"My brain 'sploded." -Lindy (wallmate and fellow med student)

Then she said it again... "My brain 'sploded!"

That pretty much sums up life right now. It's fantastic to get to see the minor mechanisms God uses in our bodies to make us function. With neuroscience I am boggled by the microscopic signals and transmissions created to make our bodies respond to the brain. In Physiology it's an every-other-day hysterically comical rat race to follow our sporadic and "far superior" professor weave in and out of multiple subjects that all demonstrate a definite and intentional design to our bodies. Anatomy's like the headwaters of the fire hydrant of information espousing our genius Creator.

Psalm 8:4 "what is man that You are mindful of him?"

God's in control... aw yeah

2007-08-28T18:46:00.001-07:00

We had the first picnic for CMA (Christian Medical Association) tonight. The main presentation was by a doctor who is teaching our physiology course. He said something that I wanted to write... before I return to hitting (why does that sound so violent?) the books. Dr. Stephenson mentioned that we would be feeling the rollercoaster of emotions as we face our fears in medical school. One minute it's excitement, the next it's bewilderment, etc... and he's pretty much right. Then he went on to say that while we FEEL like somehow we tricked the admissions committee into accepting us... there's no tricking God.

It sunk in at that moment, at many moments when I doubt myself - that this is exactly where God wants me to be. He has purposed me, planned me, even pulled me to this place. While I struggle with feeling adequate at times - He knows all and has placed in me all the tools I need to complete His task. Likewise as I anticipate Katie Middlestead's (my undergraduate mentor and the former associate director for Spartan Christian Fellowship) big venture to the Philippines on Monday (for 3 years!!) I am excited because I know that God is drawing her to where she can be used most for His Kingdom. While it's an adjustment to finally BE in medical school where I am being challenged and stretched, and while it'll be another adjustment to see Katie leave to BE in the Philippines for 3 years - I KNOW that we are where HE would have us. Like Dr. Stephenson said, letting go of your life = letting God work.

Where to begin...

2007-07-03T21:35:00.000-07:00

A torrent of things have happened in the past few weeks. I returned from Europe glowing from good times with the family and a fresh dose of travel. Jumped into math training before going on a really spontaneous and refreshing roadtrip with LPA around southwest Colorado.

I was amazed with the hot springs in Colorado and had enjoyed a respite before packing up quickly to head off to Lost Canyon, Arizona - a Young Life camp. Okay, all I have to say is that it was really amazing! No, REALLY! Out of the 21 middle schoolers we took 13 girls. Out of those the great majority recommited or accepted Christ for the first time! The response was overwhelming. (It was well worth getting pied, muddied, stressed, tired out, and going off the blob for.) My pictures I haven't even uploaded yet but maybe on America's holiday I'll finally get some time. However Sarah Gayle, who lead with me, gave me her photos...

Right now it's way too late and I need to go to bed. Medical school "prep" summer classes have started already and the 10 other people in my program are fun. They're from all over the country and all over the world. I'm so excited to finally get to study and DO what I love in these classes. It's thrilling... and to think I wondered if I should apply! God has worked it out tremendously! (Oh, yeah, like He ALWAYS does!)

Lecrae Send me!

2007-05-18T05:32:00.001-07:00

Show me another, Lord! Show me another!

2007-04-23T21:06:00.000-07:00

Bolts of light cross and traverse the sky, without boundaries, without leashes; they part the air with such power that the air molecules rip apart creating sound waves we call thunder. The magnitude of velocity brightens the horizons for mere tenths of seconds before darkness envelopes again. Traces are sketched on our pupils and for seconds afterwards, the act of blinking repeatedly brings the image to bear again in our mind.

Watching the firework displays of the heavens on earth somehow never fails to shrink me down to size. Every time Pikes Peak and the mountains to my west get silhouetted by spider fingers of light, I feel like a kid again. I want to crawl into a big blanket (the kind that smell like the trunk of your car) and just stare at the heavens. I watch and wait. I wonder and anticipate. Then just when my eyes are weary of searching the skies I see a flash out of the corner of my eye and as I turn, something stirs in my soul.

God throws down bolts of light with specific purpose and plan. While I sit on the edge of my seat with expectation and question of what will happen next, God is weaving and working in his firework display. In forest fires he rejuvenates the land to regenerate. Through the movement of molecules in the dark milieu of the atmosphere, He fashions weather patterns and cycles. With His artful display He practically and poignantly demonstrates His preeminence in Creation. While we see balls of fire thrown in seeming disorder and chaos, He sees to the direction of every point of ever tip of every burning arrow. As I consider His magnficence, all I can whisper is, "Ewww. Show me another Lord, show me another." Isn't that my life in all reality? A firework display of God working miracles as I watch. It seems harder to trust in real life, to know that each piercing work of God is directed and ordained. Yet, as I sit and contemplate His purposeful handiwork in Creation and all the golden lightning rays of my past, I grin in thinking of my future and say, "Show me another, Lord. Show me another!"

Not Grateful Enough

2007-04-11T22:09:00.000-07:00

While I have much, I expect much more out of life. In fact, I have realized of late that I expect too much and am not grateful enough for what I have.

By that I mean that... I think I have questioned God with Him not having given me at least two lives to live. That sounds strange, I know. Yet in my always managing to fill up with too many things, I have begun to realize that somewhere in me deep down is the resentment that I have not been given more lives to live. There is indeed so very much that I want to do and accomplish... so many needs and pain and hurt in the world... that I want to do and fix it all.

I am faced daily with the reality that I am finite. However I fight my limited nature far too often. I WOULD be... a teacher, an aerospace engineer, photographer, journalist, multi-linguist, nurse, and doctor. Hahaha. Oh but for the limits of time I would fill all the seats in Congress, too!

God perpetually reminds me of my frailty and humanity. Watching a movie last night called, "In the Shadow of the Moon", about astronauts, was humorous in how I was again reminded that ordinary people do extraordinary things. It's not like I need to do a million things.... but when my heart's set on glorifying God that one thing fills an eternity with a life well-lived.

May I be so content to live this ONE life well. To live meekly, humbly, resolutely even. I can't resent not having more lives to live. I must rest in the sovereign grace that this undeserving wretch got more life, in having been given one breath even, than she ever could deserve.

How could I fault God in lavishing me so much as it is?!

Sovereignty (True Story)

2007-03-11T21:33:00.000-07:00

Had lunch today with a family from my church. They told me a story of their father/in-law who was from Afghanistan. Apparently while living in a foreign city studying before going back to Afghanistan, he was befriended by Christian missionaries. He was a staunch Muslim who was more pluralistic than anything wanting everyone to "agree to disagree." So the day he's supposed to leave on a plane to go back a little boy ran off with his passport. He knew the little boy and knew it was a game running through the airport chasing after him, but when he caught him the boy told him he had actually lost the passport during the game.

He stood outside the airport and sadly watched his plane take off.

Then gasped as the plane ran into the mountainside and blew up.

Even that was not enough to convince him that God had a divine plan for his life. Later that night, after he had called to make arrangements for a new passport, he had a dream. Jesus came to him and told him that he had been spared for a reason.

He woke up and ran down the street to bang on the missionaries' door... all he said was...

"I must become a Christian! How do I become a Christian?"

AND WE DOUBT OUR LIVES ARE IN THE HANDS OF GOD???

Buenos Aires, Argentina

Color of Hope

2007-02-23T22:32:00.000-08:00

Color Esperanza
Diego Torres
Se que hay en tus ojos con solo mirar
que estas cansado de andar y de andar y caminar,
girando siempre en un lugar
Se que las ventanas se pueden abrir
cambiar el aire depende de tite ayudará,
vale la pena una vez mas
Saber que se puede, querer que se pueda
Quitarse los miedos, sacarlos afuera
pintarse la cara color esperanza
tentar al futuro con el corazón
Es mejor perderse que nunca embarcar
mejor tentarse a dejar de intentar
aunque ya ves que no es tan facil empezar
Se que lo imposible se puede lograr
que la tristeza algun día se iráy asi será,
la vida cambia y cambiará
Sentirás que el alma vuela
por cantar una vez mas
CORO
Saber que se puede querer que se pueda
quitarse los miedos, sacarlos afuera
pintarse la cara color esperanza
tentar al futuro con el corazón
CORO ...
Vale más poder brillar que solo buscar
ver el sol Pintarse la cara color esperanza
tentar al futuro con el corazón
Saber que se puede...
Querer que se pueda...
Pintarse la cara color esperanza
tentar al futuro con el corazón
CORO...
Saber que se puede (saber que se puede,
que puedes intentar)
Querer que se pueda (querer que se pueda)
Pintarse la cara color esperanza
Tentar al futuro con el corazon...

We made dance moves to this song over winter break, but now I look at the words and I like the song so much more. This color of hope is expensive, it is rich. I wonder if it's not the color of heaven.

Aaaah quotable

2007-02-19T14:59:00.000-08:00

So apparently I'm supposed to update this even if it's only with quotes so that people know what's going on in my life. My life is full of homework and lesson planning and dreaming about the future. I've been watching a few good movies while writing major papers though, so here are some good quotes from them:

"We will praise Him when we win. We will praise Him when we lose." -Facing the Giants

"My tail's twitching and I always listen to my tail." -Over the Hedge

*favorite scene* When everyone in Little Miss Sunshine had to run alongside the van and jump into the van while it was moving. Hahaha, oh too funny.

Yikes-a-beeee!

2006-12-03T19:10:00.000-08:00

Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
Habakkuk 3:18

This has been a fantastic week! Gotta admit... part of it has to do with the fact that I leave for Antarctica in less than 2 weeks now. Yikes-a-bee as a good ole movie quoter would say.

So many thoughts are racing now and have been that I have had little time to sit down and synthesize it all. People keep asking me what's going on in life and I scratch my head as if puzzled and can't even remember a quarter of all that I know I'm doing right now. That means I'm too busy, but ah well, I like being busy - wouldn't have it any other way. I just need like a planner to stand next to me and tell me... "Abbie, stop dreaming." I have so many ideas. It hasn't been like that since college, so it's exciting to have the dreamer back. Super excited to have dreams again, and reading Yaconelli's Dangerous Wonder book really helped. Yet I can't do it all - so prioritizing and being disciplined is key. I need to be at least somewhat practical though and do what I dream about.

Hahaha. Oh it's all so funny. I can't believe I'll be so near the South Pole in two weeks. It's FANTASTIC!! CRAZINESS! Yikes-A-BEEE!

PS - Habbakuk is a great book by the way. Oh and a study Bible just makes it better.

++++++++>>>> Good memories! (Even if it was a while ago!!) Get's me ready for some REALLY, a REALLY cold snow! :P

Short ramblings...

2006-11-13T22:00:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I had to take the oh-so-fabulous driving class so that I could get out of the driving ticket I got this summer (for failing to stop completely.) Anyway, as I drove for a long time at the dog tracks - a somewhat seedy, definitely run-down area in town - I paused and reflected to eat some humble pie. How low I felt! The women sitting near me couldn't speak worth a high school education she was so bent on using slang and that "f*ing judge" language. Nearly all the rest of the women couldn't dress worth an anything as far as I could tell. The teacher was, I'm guessing, nearly 3 feet wide standing sideways, though more conversable than the rest. The men had low IQs, but gosh darn if they weren't men and drove trucks and beat up cars - even if one completely failed to run the course correctly any of the number of times we ran threw it - quite a feat of incompetency if you ask me! So there I sat, regarding my poor grouping with these losers on the Lord's Day, and He reminded what a sinner I am and how I could have been grouped much worse had His grace been any less.

----

I like working out at the Y. I'm serious! Unlike other places, where competitive nature strikes a cold atmosphere - the YMCA's actually pretty fun. As I walked or ran around the track upstairs (yes, 14 times is one mile - but no actually it doesn't get old), I was complimented and encouraged no less than three times. Yes, I know it's probably pity that spurred them on, as I am far from my goals, but their kindness warmed my heart nonetheless.

-----

Finally, I love the smell of pumpkin. I came home and baked pumpkin pie and pumpkin spice bread, and I could just sit here in my apartment all day soaking in the season. (Though I can only smell a small dose since I still have a bit of a cold.)

Many reasons to give thanks, so many more I have thought of but don't have time to write about - probably many, many more that God's given me and I just haven't realized yet.

What a word: glory

2006-10-23T19:03:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I have these moments where I feel as if I know more of God's plan in my life and can realize the greatness of His work. Most of the time I'm lost - but I have glimpses of His sovereignty... and it overwhelms me in its incomprehensibility. His glory reigns o'er all the earth, yet it is so far above me. I feel like I'm at the bottom of the ocean looking up trying to see past the heavens to measure its magnitude. It is endless. It is beyond my eyesight and I am undone.

Here's a great song, that lends itself to the question of God's sovereignty and the contentment we must have in the face of multiple unanswered questions:

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
His holy will abideth;
I will be still whate’er He doth;
And follow where He guideth;
He is my God;
though dark my road,
He holds me that I shall not fall:
Wherefore to Him I leave it all.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
He never will deceive me;
He leads me by the proper path:
I know He will not leave me.
I take, content, what He hath sent;
His hand can turn my griefs away,
And patiently I wait His day.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
His loving thought attends me;
No poison can be in the cup
That my Physician sends me.
My God is true; each morn anew
I’ll trust His grace unending,
My life to Him commending.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
He is my Friend and Father;
He suffers naught to do me harm,
Though many storms may gather,
Now I may know both joy and woe,
Some day I shall see clearly
That He hath loved me dearly
.
Whate’er my God ordains is right:
Though now this cup, in drinking,
May bitter seem to my faint heart,
I take it, all unshrinking.My God is true;
each morn anewS
weet comfort yet shall fill my heart,
And pain and sorrow shall depart.

Whate’er my God ordains is right:
Here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken.
My Father’s care is round me there;
He holds me that I shall not fall:
And so to Him I leave it all.

This Raw Heart

2006-10-11T21:54:00.000-07:00

Going over Isaiah 5 at Bible study tonight, I am reminded how raw the hearts of God's people must be in our relationship with Him. Today my principal worked through the fifth month anniversary of his son Sam's death. It is difficult to imagine such heartache. Even worse to imagine the pain of two boys in my school whose mother tried to commit suicide last week. Not to mention the struggle and grief of all my kiddoes whose parents are struggling with drug and alcohol addictions.

My heart grieves.

It aches for them to know the Comforter and the only One who can make things right in their lives. He is our only Hope.

My heart is raw before Him as I am angry with injustices and the seemingly unfair consequences of sin in this life and as I cry about what innocents see every day.

Lamentations 3:16- is real to me. What God breaks our teeth with gravel? It is so hard sometimes to see Him in this ugly world. Yet to see through the mud and mire, I see wonder and amazement in His Creation.

I see grace. I experience grace. That is all my raw heart needs. His grace comforts me and gives me hope... and this hope does not disappoint.

God's Grand Wonder

2006-10-03T21:56:00.000-07:00

Two words: Grand Canyon

Five people: Matt, Abbie, Carrie, Katie, and Brent

Thirty essential phrases/words:

1. It's grand... like a canyon
2. Would you rather be a caged bullfighter?
3. Ruthabas or Barnabuth
4. Maybe it's in my sleeping bag.
5. My butt doesn't like the window.
6. That was nice of them to leave us a leeeetle sign.
7. Or somteeen...
8. 'Without weakening in his face'
9. 'He has broken my teeth with travel'
10. Look at the duckies and the horsies... oh! That one looks dead.
11. Kind of like a zoolander... but higher
12. There we go! (Abbie sleeping)
13. Noun spoon or verb spoon?
14. Would you like to pet my pants?
15. A more different kind of verb spooning
16. B-rent is not a d-runk
17. We have one day to see a big hole.
18. "I think I woke up your significant other." "You mean others?"
19. More different crack, USA
20. This whole vehicle has the aerodynamics of a forklift.
21. A really, a really good
22. It's a middle-of-nowhere party.
23. It looks like there's nothing out of 'round.'
24. How can we know if we're right or wrong if we're not first willing to be wrong?
25. Ha-ha. Higher tone... more different less higher tone
26. Crap! I thought this was Four Corners, Switzerland.
27. That would B-N.
28. Life is so much more fun with sound effects.
29. I wish I could massage your bottom.
30. The transformation is complete.